The Quest for IT
by xoJaymexo
Summary: Something's are obvious. Something's make you think. And the definition of IT comes from asking others. Follow Emmett on his quest to answer the unanswerable! Warning: Rated T for mentionings of sex, and crude humor.


**A/N: Jayme: hey all of you guys!! It's me and Lily again, and we're just typing up a quick one-shot that popped into my head… haha.  
Lily: yeah, her head. Where all the crazies are locked up.  
Jayme: you know you love my crazies!!  
Lily: right. Okay. We can go with that…**

**Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight. I mean, seriously, then one of us would have Edward, and the other would have Jasper. **

**3****rd**** Person POV:**

Emmett bounded up to Bella, who was sitting on a small couch in the Cullen's living room. He looked as though, had he been completely human, he would have been accused of have a few to many drinks. Bella, on the other hand, just looked bored. Edward was out hunting, and she had come over to help Esme, but had finished the job.

"Hi Bella!" He bubbled out. The girl looked at him warily, gauging his sanity.

"Hey Emmett. What's up?" She asked warily.

"Not much, just wondering something." He said, gleefully. Bella looked slightly alarmed. Normally, when Emmett was in this mood, someone was going to get A)hurt B)tickled C)embarrassed, or D all of the above.

"What are you wondering?" She asked him cautiously.

"It's just a little thing, really. Nothing for you to worry about… Just, are you wearing underwear today? Is it lingerie? Oooh! Dark blue, right? 'Cause Edward loves that color on you, you know. I bet he's enjoying my thoughts right now, if he can hear me, because I can just imagine you in dark blue—" at the sight of Bella's murderous expression, he slapped a hand over his mouth. "Oops."

"Emmett," she sighed. "You have lost it!" She walked past him and grabbed her jacket and bag. "Tell Edward when he comes home I am cooking Charlie some dinner, but I will be back in about thirty minutes."

"Wait!" He called after her. "What's _it_?" She turned and looked at him impatiently.

"Ask Rosalie!" She yelled at him, as she continued on her way towards her ancient Chevy truck.

Emmett turned around, contemplating if he should actually go ask Rosalie that the mysterious "it" is. He decided to go and ask her. After all, she still loved him, right?

Emmet walked up to Rosalie who was standing in their bathroom, brushing her hair.

"Rosalie?" Emmett asked. Rosalie turned toward Emmett, putting her brush down on the counter and crossing her arms. She was prepared for any crazy thing that would come out of Emmett's mouth. "What's **it**?"

Rosalie smiled. This was an easy question for her to answer. "Emmett, it is sex. We do **it **daily, almost hourly. Why are you so confused? It's a simple concept. Do you need me to explain?" She answered.

Emmett looked befuddled "I lost sex… again? I didn't do anything! I swear! Oh, you found out about…" Emmett paused. "Oh, I'm sorry! Please, please give me back sex! Wait a minute, Bella said I lost it. Bella can't take away sex, can she?" Rosalie just shook her head.

"Emmett, go ask Alice. I want to go work on the cars! And what are you talking about I found out about what?" Rosalie put a hand on her hip. She wasn't expecting a good answer.

"Nothing!" Emmett said.

"That's what I thought." Rosalie said as she shooed him away and went into the bedroom, with Emmett trailing behind her.

"But, but-"Emmett whined.

"No buts, Emmett go!" She pointed her slim finger out the door towards Alice's room.

In a quick moment, Rosalie was gone. Emmett walked over to Alice, mumbling to himself "But I like butts, especially Rosalie's."

When he walked into Alice's room—which was supposed to be Jasper's, as well, only it was bright pink—her was presented with the curious sight of a vampire glued to a computer screen. He opened his mouth to speak, when the pixie interrupted him.

"Go ask Jasper." He mouth closed with an audible click.

"But, But Rosalie," he stammered out.

"I'm busy!" She screamed, turning around and flying into his face. The big guy stumbled back. Irritable grizzlies, he could handle, irritable pixies… not so much. "Do you have any IDEA what I am doing?"

"N-n-no?" He said, making it into a question.

"On-line shopping! Now go ask Jasper!" She screeched. He nodded obediently, and turned and walked out. She scared him.

Emmett stumbled out of Alice and Jasper's room, still dazed by the fact that a little person had intimidated him. Without a second thought, he went over to Jasper.

"Jasper, what's **it**?" Emmett asked in obvious curiosity. Had Jasper been human, his face would have been as red as Bella's when she had slept talked about Edward's butt in front of the Cullen family. He looked like that deer in the headlights Emmett had "accidently" ran over a month ago.

"Um… Emmett, go ask Edward." Jasper told him. He shook his head, trying to clear that mental image out of his head.

Edward had just come back from hunting. Emmett walked up to him from behind. "Edward, what's **it**?"

Edward was obviously very angry at Emmett. "Do you seriously want me to acknowledge your presence, Emmett? You were thinking about Bella's under things, after all. Do you want me to remember you talked to me?"

Jasper, when hearing this, cracked up, although he was trying very hard not to picture the same thing. If Edward heard this, he gave no sign of it. Emmett's eyes widened. "N-n-no. I was never here. I'll go ask Esme." He started walking into the kitchen, and then turned back. "Edward… you might want to go to an anger management, though. Talking to nothing, threatening nothing… could seriously damage you."

"Hi, Esme!" He said, leaning on one of the islands. Esme looked up from whatever she was doing, and smiled at him."Esme, what's **it**?" Her eyes widened.

"Oh, dear, it's that little thing that dangles between your legs."

Emmett gasped. "I lost it?" He frantically put his hand down where the sun don't shine. "Oh, it's still there, thank goodness! Rosalie would hate it if I lost it! Wait a minute…" His eyes narrowed towards the motherly vampire. "It's not little! Rosalie says it's huge!"

"I'm sure it is, dear." Esme soothed, but Emmett wasn't buying it.

"You don't believe me." He accused. She shook her head.

"Of course I believe you!" She answered.

"No you don't. Do I need to show you?" Esme's eyes practically bugged out of her head, but before she could say anything, a voice rang out from the garage.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen, don't you dare, or I will personally castrate you!" Emmett blanched, then pulled his zipper back up, and turned towards the garage.

"Yes, dear." He turned to Esme, "sorry, mom."

"It's okay, dear. Why don't you go ask Carlisle? Let me finish this up." He nodded eagerly, then dashed up the stairs towards Carlisle's office.

He knocked on the heavy oak door. "Come in," Carlisle's calm voice answered. When Emmett walked in, his expression changed to one of surprise. "Hello, Emmett. What can I do for you?"

Emmett put on that same confused face he had when he had asked everyone else. "What's **it**?"

Carlisle remained unfazed. "Well, where did you hear it from?"

Emmett looked a little uncomfortable, but forged on in the interest of getting the answer. "Well, when I was little, my mama sat me down and told me that there comes a time in a man's life when he—" Emmett was cut off by Carlisle putting his hand up.

"Stop! For God's sake, Emmett, stop! I really don't want to know! I meant, where have you heard it recently?"

Emmett looked relieved. "Oh! Bella told me I lost **it**. It can't be sex, because only Rosalie can take that away, and I haven't done anything bad. And that's a good thing! Esme told me it's the thing between my legs, which, by the way, isn't little. But, I still have that! Pleaseeeee tell me what **it** is!"

Carlisle smiled. "Emmett, **it** is your mind!" Emmett looked horrified.

"Oh no! I lost my mind! Rosalie's going to kill me! I gotta go find it, or she might take away my fun times!" and with that, Emmett ran out of the room.

Carlisle put his head down on his desk and sighed. "Why, oh why!" He asked the heavens. "Why _I_ end up with the childish twenty year old? Or, a ninetly-five year old vampire? Who acts like he is eight? Why me?"

Downstairs, Emmett had raced out the door, blowing by Bella as she came up the walk, and nearly tipping her over.

"What," she asked, walking into the house, where the family was assembled. "Was that?" The Cullen's looked at each other wearily.

"That," Esme said, "was Emmett."

"On a quest," Jasper added, "For **it**."

"He went around and bugged all of us, and finally got the answer from Carlisle." Alice finished.

Bella looked around guiltily. "Oops." The Cullen's just looked at her, while the faint sounds of Emmett drifted through the open window.

"Braaaaain! Commmmme Baaaaack! I promise to use you! Well, sometimes! Just come back!"

**A/N: Jayme: sooooooooooo what did y'all think?  
Lily: in my opinion, those crazies of yours are always crazy…  
Jayme: *does a happy dance* yay! Did you hear that, crazies? She finally accepted you!  
Lily: *shakes head* whatever…**

**Reviews are Love!**


End file.
